Monday, April 11, 2016

Confessions of an INFJ

MBTI  (Myers–Briggs Type Indicator) assessment is a psychometric questionnaire designed to measure psychological preferences in how people perceive the world and make decisions. MBTI assessment was developed from the work of prominent psychiatrist Carl Jung in his book Psychological Types.

So I am an INFJ (Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging). INFJs are Quietly forceful, original, and sensitive. Tend to stick to things until they are done. Extremely intuitive about people, and concerned for their feelings. Well-developed value systems which they strictly adhere to. Well-respected for their perseverance in doing the right thing. Likely to be individualistic, rather than leading or following. That said, I understand that emotions and feelings are complicated. These confessions are my own ideas and thoughts. 

So, here is are some Confession of an INFJ's thoughts that I will not tell you otherwise. 

IF you are a friend, you already know that I am a good listener. As an INFJ, I listen not only to people's words, but also body language, expressions, the tone of voice, specific words they used, etc. It instantly takes me to a level where I can almost listen to what they are not saying. I notice the concealed details in the dialog. Even the one they deliberately conceal and the ones they subconsciously do. The combination of my MBTI allows me to a sneak a peek inside their "soul". I cannot help it but judge, however, I understand their standpoint with empathy and my verdicts are more than often restrained to my own self. Their secrets are safe with me. Perhaps, that is why they come back to me for the comfort of being understood. 

I would like to know how that feels, being understood. I do not have many INFJ friends, just one (INFJs are extremely rare statistically). I feel not many people understand that how intricate human emotions are. Emotions, they can tear one's thinking gears apart, they gravitate from so many dimensions. So often people focus on a single feeling or emotion. It is unfair, you see, to the other emotions. As they work in co-ordination and that is when things get complicated to perceive. For example, One may feel angry, envious and awestruck at the same time. Where anger is a predominately negative emotion that is expressed recklessly it is accompanied with envy which is surprisingly a desire to have something that is not within reach of the person. In this scenario, the person expressing the combination is also awestruck with the person he is angry and envious towards. 

The above brief explanation in my typical verbal form would be translated as "You know, stuff ... about feelings". That would be my explanation to you if we had to talk about it. I suck at verbal explanations because I hate small talks, I am Good with expressing myself in written form. Small talks, figuratively, are exhausting. Sometimes it is literally exhausting too. Perhaps, that is why when I get back to my place after the social gathering I take a long bath (to scrape off all the social dust from my body!) and head right back to my room with a "Do Not Disturb" sticky note on my door.

What do I do inside, My room? I do a lot of things inside I paint, I dance, I lip-sync "I Dreamed a Dream..." ( my all time favourite dramatic lip-sync song ever), I study, I read books, I smell books ... It energises me to be alone. I am a typical Introvert who enjoys walking alone on an isolated beach, collecting the weirdest shaped coral rocks and shells.

I may not enjoy it to an equal degree if people were there. I cannot help but pick the subconscious flashes of their soul and that is just so unnecessary and draining. Unless I like them, and want to comfort them by listening to them and letting them pour out what is bothering them. Letting them feel understood. Ah! I so long to feel understood myself. I only let a few people get inside my circle of friendship. To everyone else I am the girl who is reserved and dis-interested. I indeed am, aggressively disinterested in most of the people.

But if someone has managed to step in my circle of friendship, it was because at first they and I got to spend some one on one time and I liked them enough to feel comfortable talking to them.  And they, in turn, feel I have a keen awareness of their feelings. I am quite patient and protective towards my friends. As an INFJ, I can "read" through people and can take advantage of this ability but I don't though I think I could use it in my favour. But that would be unethical. Ethics, I have a strong set of principles have developed based on my life and experience so far.

I am passionately driven towards perfection , Not that I achieve it. My pursuit of perfection the reason I never feel any of my paintings is finished, in the back of my head, I often find faults and try to fix them. My room has a perfect layout than cannot be disoriented. I crave for perfection in relations and projects too. 

On the other hand, I am aware that perfection is not realistic, there are always going to be flawed and defects in my things and people and my idealistic judging mind will never fail to point it out screaming. Perhaps I will learn to live with it ( ,in a rather unsatisfied fashion I reckon.). Though I will never stop to analyze ideas and brainstorm to reach that perfection. I often find myself pondering on matters of significance to a middle-ground of a settlement of personal and political issues. I enjoy writing Journals I have a collection of them that I will never let anyone read. I like to read to feel in-sync with the emotion of the protagonist. Even the so-called "unlikeable" characters in fiction win my empathy.  

I don't like to share my plans and goals with people except if I include them in my life in an inseparable manner. Some of those presumed inseparable people have failed me, perhaps because I have being biased in understanding their motives. If you someone has been in my circle of "comfortable-with-people" and has been dropped out. It is a classic case of "INFJ Door Slam". It is this part of a relationship with me when they have received the worse thing they, as an ex-friend, can receive. It is "you are dead to me" place where I put the people who have disregarded me in the utterly most unthinkable way. There is no coming back from the INFJ door slam. 

In the defence of the door slam, I have been so fed up with their lies (as I can hear their body screaming lies) that I have given up on any repercussion. I have seen something so repulsive that I cannot restrain but have to make an opinion on. The unconscious and/or conscious disregard they have displayed is not ignore-able anymore. I may think about letting them in but each weighing-in process of re-considering their accused conduct make it firm in my heart that they were guilty and It saddens me. I do not want to be feeding on sadness. So they are stripped of the honor of friendship and have been door-slammed. 

Ugh! Talking about door slamming has taken me off my "Train of Thoughts". I will end my INFJ confessions at this point. Hope you learnt something about your own INFJ Friend and acquaintance via my confessions. Share thought about your MBTI type. 

Find more information about it visit here
To find out your own MBTI type take the quiz here (Unofficial)

PS. As I am writing this post very early in the morning. I am Simultaneously sipping some Turkish coffee and listening to Mozart's Soave Sia ... Yup, I am one of those People.

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  1. Now that you mention, it isnt strange at all as most of us are introverts in this loud world and need to be strong about being ourselves. MBTI surely would help us recognize this and work it towards our strengths.

    1. Indeed, people should recognize their strengths. MBTI is a good way to find out more about oneself. Most of the people often balance the interactions as per their comfort level. Which is in turn, a perfect approach. A recent study indicated that the present era is, statistically saying ruled by the introverts. However, if we look into the history same trends can be easily seen.
      MBTI on the other hand, goes beyond the just introversion and extroversion it considers in three more traits that make the sixteen personalities even more categorized based on traits and behaviors while making a judgement.

  2. I am an introvert and I connect to everything you have said. I have tried to come out of it and have been very successful as I worked as a HR head in a financial company and yet I love being to myself.


    1. You would enjoy this book called Quiet bySusan Cain, and her TED talk as well. It will make you understand that you do not have to "come out of it". Accept yourself and use your strengths. As an HR-based Profession, you must be interactive. However for your personal well-being, you should take out your much needed "alone time" to be more efficient and mindful. I sincerely believe that book will help you understand the full blow strength you possess as an introvert.

  3. This was an enjoyable read Karnika. You seem to be a fun and interesting person! I never knew about MBTI or INFJ, what shucks I am learning new things everyday aren't I! I think I might be slotted as an INFJ too, going by the characteristics you mention! Thanks for sharing yet another eye-opener for me ;)
    Cheers and love :)
    @KalaRavi16 from

    1. Thanks I am glad you likes it! You might as well be, Do find out.
      Cheers and love :)

  4. And I am an INFJ too!
    Hi-five ✋🏻

  5. I enjoyed your post. I am finding myself becoming more introverted the older I get. I"m not sure what that's all about. Thanks for the peak into your world.

  6. "pursuit for perfectness " ... it felt like you show some intj traits also..