Goals Of Art: L'art pour L'art

Creating art is cathartic. Our daily life is filled with the beating of routine in a certain fashion. The daily schedule and keeping up with it somehow diminishes the human essence that is essential for emotional well-being. At a point, the daily life monotonous and devoid of emotion needs purging and my art is my refuge.

I have a keen curious way of reasoning that leads me to try to find out more things about the world be it Science, Art, History, Politics, etc.  In this pursuit of knowledge, I find myself in a position where I form my own opinions and I am grateful for that. I personally cannot find harmony in accepting what I am being told. I need to investigate. Taking up Ideas as heredity is not in my book. It is like being robbed of what makes us human. Namely, thinking, reasoning, creating and finding solutions to intricate problems.

I like to create art in many different forms but oil paints are one of my favorite artistic expression. I can forget the existence of the world when I am lost in my attempt to make that one stroke right. I don't give any care even if it's apocalypses outside my window. It is my personal trance. The process of painting is not only where my mind finds solace, but it also helps me learn patience. It helps me to appreciate things that we often just walk by without noticing. I pay attention to the visual inputs in daily life to try to accommodate it in my next painting. There is so much it makes me notice, but most of all it helps me to try become a better version of myself.

I paint, mostly with the backdrop of some symphony by Mozart, occasionally some podcast. As I paint I am in my own mind rummaging thought and ideas along with getting that brush stroke just right or least satisfactory. Each of my painting is a safe keeping for the thoughts that crossed my mind. It is an accumulation of emotions that I am reminded of when I look at them, almost like a secret language that only I decipher.

Art is an answer to our existential crisis. Art is an emotion but it is not just that ... Art can be a means of improvement. Art can be employed in social and political reforms, as it has been in history. Being able to attract attention gives it the power to direct attention to an issue. Isn't this what we see in protests with signs and performance arts!

It happens quite often when you look at some picture or a painting and it gives you an uncomfortable feeling. Something that makes you rummage through your soul to identify and uncover. That is the power of art. Art is not just pretty landscapes, rainbows and butterflies. It is also the difficult issues and questions that we shove under the rug to get rid of. It may or may not be the intent of artists to question the observer. Every piece of art is created with some unique circumstances and that adds to its meaning and beauty.

Throughout the human civilization, people have expressed their feelings in the various form of arts. Every culture produces artifacts. It is present in museums tourist destinations. It's what is common among all the humans irrespective of geographical locations. Moreover, one can appreciate art better if I know the underlining circumstances of it, craftsmanship required and political/social implication of it.

It is the very thing that set us apart for all the organisms on the planet. In fact, even amongst all the other homo genus (Neandertals, Denisovan, etc) artifacts were exclusive to the Homo Sapiens. Throughout history, humans have left an exclusive mark on Earth in forms of artifacts, that are impressively intricate. Art is not just the production of an object art is purging of the soul.

Art has a place in all of us. So what is your account of art?  Do you enjoy creating or appreciating art? How does Art make you feel? Let me know in the comment section.

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Forgiveness

Have you ever thought about how many things that are considered righteous and pious are contradictory to the principle of evolution? We humans reached the top of all the living beings on Earth by practicing all instinctual things. But as time passed and cultures developed the very core of out flourishing became taboo. Many things that were the heart of the reward mechanism of our brains became associated with divine prohibitions. Nevertheless, it worked out and those prohibitions shaped our society as it is today, but that is the topic for another day.

Forgiving, for instance, is something we learned is nobler. If someone hurts you, be it anyway physical or emotional, the person who forgives is having an upper-hand in the conflict. Forgiveness has the capacity to assuage the mind of the hurt person. It just gives this awesome feeling of closure even in the absence of apologies. I agree with the stance that forgiving can be sometimes good deed. Moreover, It is obviously instinctual that as time passes and anger subsides and we eventually forgive the person who did us wrong.  Nevertheless, it will be quite ludicrous and childish to never -ever forgive. To err is human, to forgive is divine. Yadda yadda yadda ...

That said, I beg to bring in another point of view in the forgiving scenario.  I would say it is not always the best case to forgive. To forgive is often considered to be the most healthy alternative, but it's not! You are permitted to be bitter and you are permitted to be furious at the person who did you wrong. It is NOT healthy to suck your emotions in because it is noble to be forgiving. Placing this more popular belief on forgiveness above your own feelings of resentment is an act of self-harm. You are allowed to feel and register the betrayal for as long as you need to. Being treated badly by someone is a very fair reason to be pissed at them.

More than often we find people saying "I forgive you" to an unapologetic wrongdoer. If that satisfies them, good for them. However to practice altruism at the cost of your own mental wellbeing is not a good idea. Frankly for me even if someone apologizes I am not obliged to forgive them until I feel they are fit for my pardon.

Apologies should not be obscure. Sorry, is just another word if it doesn't manifest the understanding of hurting and makes a promise to not violate the equilibrium of trust again. It lies in the hands of the wrongdoer to demonstrate that they understand what they did was wrong. Moreover, for the wrongdoers, it's never too late to learn the golden rule "Treat others the way you would like to be treated. Act with compassion and empathy."

Be it the forgiveness for a what-so-ever reason, namely for the nobler one or over time by subsidence of anger, It should not by default mean you are to give them the same position as before. One example of such case is a cheating spouse or partner. If someone is cheated on and their partner apologizes and is forgiven ... A let bygones be bygones kind of situation almost every time leads to a series of cheatings. The thing is after every act of cheating the person's sense of guilt is subsided as they face no repercussions for their actions. Here goes the saying, once a cheater always a cheater. The responsibility of making amendments is with the guilty person and not otherwise.

If you forgive and the wrongdoer don't face any consequences of their actions how does this improves the situation? So if one find peace in forgiving one should not act in self-harm by giving the offender same privileges as before. Forgive eventually, but don't place the knife in their hands to stab you again. rather move on. I understand it can be difficult if the offender is someone you love...

With that thought, I would like to get back on evolution side of the issue. Had we forgiven the predators, back in hunters and gatherer era, you would not have been reading this post, nor I would be writing it. Homo sapiens would have been eradicated. If one is wronged, forgiveness and inviting the wrongdoer back is not noble but silly in the evolutionary sense of the way. We learned to protect ourselves from being hurt. We apply what we learn by our instincts for future dealings. If it was natural to accommodate forgiveness as it is taught to be divine, the rattling of a rattlesnake would not have been registered as a warning sign for rest of the animals.

For me personally, as a typical INFJ, my most typical reaction to betrayal and hurt is cutting them off from my life. #FriendshipOver. I don't give much thought to them after that. (but as my physics teacher would say, exceptions are always there. ) The resentment is wholly justified as taking offense in your own mistreatment is an act of self-respect. I have enough self-esteem to understand that being a part of my life is a prerogative, not a default.

Sum and Substance: No one owes a place in someone else's life. They have to earn it and work for it. If someone doesn't work for a place in your life they shouldn't have one.  If they hurt you or mistreat you it is your right to protect yourself even by the means of cutting someone out off your life completely. You are not to be told to forgive someone and feel "divine".

What is your opinion on forgiveness? Do you forgive people who hurt you or hurt someone you love with no exceptions? What popular moral codes do you find to be misaligned with your principles in life? Let me know in the comment section below

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My Cognitive Dissonance With Clockwise.

I have the strangest habit of imagining walking in a place I visit often or have had visited in past. It is almost like a thought simulation running in the backdrop of my consciousness. If I am talking to you over the phone Or performing a task that doesn't require much attention,  an unconscious section in my brain is wandering in a physical location. Taking turns on random streets randomly walking in a pre-visited destination. It's like an unconscious simulation going on in this weird section of my brain. I have spotted my mind randomly in very specific locations and destination. Ugh! I frankly don't know what it is, but my mind has a kind of obsession with places. I am not even sure if other people do that!

Perhaps that is why I often find myself studying maps of locations, that I have been to, on Google earth. Just to get a clearer picture of neighborhoods so when I unconsciously stroll around in those streets in my imagination I know where exactly I am. Sometimes I like to zoom out to the map of the city or country and imagine/observe the mental simulation from distance. It is all just fun and games, a smooth distraction for my brain in not-so-engaging times until I zoom it out to a far reach. To an extent when my imagination is hovering over the north pole of Earth and I can picture the Earth spinning anti-clockwise.

I personally find it very uncomfortable, as if something is wrong with the spin. So one time, I was in my mind hovering over our lonely little Earth and was absorbed in this eerie feeling of distorted discomfort over the direction of Earth's spin from the north pole. I wanted to get to the bottom of it Why does it bother me that the earth is spinning anti-clockwise from the given position? I introspected and came to a conclusion.

The way I learned to decipher a map or globe is north is alway the top and that in my mind should be the reference point or standardize the point-of-view. Nevertheless,  I perceive the forward direction of time as clockwise from the standard analog clocks. Thus, When I imagine my standard reference position and don't find it in accordance with the positive direction of time my brain lands me in a dissonance. I may be the only one to find my mind roam around, but I can't be the only one to adopt this line of thinking, namely taking north as top and clockwise as forwarding in the direction of time. Perhaps If we were taught the maps upside down as a standard reference or We had the clocks running anticlockwise I may haven't had found myself in this disharmony.

So, Why are maps north up? Ancient maps were mostly drawn to the standard of the East on top because the Sun rises from the East and that represents a start. The paradigm shift of contemporary standard maps can't be pointed out on the calendar. It seems that this model was gradually adopted as standard. More likely it is as per the standers of right-hand thumb rule this seems to co-ordinate with the rest of the representative standards. The rotation of the Earth is counter-clockwise, so if we curl our right hand's fingers in counterclockwise fashion the direction our thumbs will be pointing shall be taken as the top. So it makes sense...

Hence the discrepancy lies in the way clocks run. Why were the clocks designed in a 'clockwise' direction? Clocks could run perfectly in the anticlockwise direction. Heck! we define the spin direction from a man-made object. It is like the clocks are the forerunner of the standard of spinning. I find it really fascinating!

Why do we have clocks running in the clockwise direction? The analog clock models were based on the sundial. Sundial is basically an ancient way of keeping track of the time during the day.  Due to the movement of the earth throughout the day, the sun appears to move from east to west on earth. This apparent moment of Sun changes the position of shadows. The sundials use this property, it consists of a flat plate (A dial) and a gnomon (Part that casts the shadow) As the position of the sun changes the shadow changes. Sundials can be dated back to 3000 years and were independently used in most major civilization.

However, this doesn't resolve the clockwise and anti-clockwise issue I had. As the sundial possess duality depending on which hemisphere you live on. In the northern hemisphere, the direction of the shadow cast by sundial moves in the clockwise fashion and in the southern hemisphere, it moves in the counter clockwise fashion. Thus the sundials run counterclockwise in the southern hemisphere.

The answer lies in the location where the clocks were designed. Our modern day analog clock was designed in China in 725 AD by Yi Xing, north hemispher. The makers just simply replicated the motion of shadow on the sundial. It was the only rational thing to do from the standpoint of knowledge of that era. That direction became clockwise. Isn't it peculiar that if the clocks were first designed in the southern hemisphere our idea of clockwise and anti-clockwise would have been the absolute opposite! Possibly in some parallel universe, the clock on your wall is ticking in our respective counter-clockwise direction.

In fact, there are some clocks made in Arabic and Hebrew notations that actually run counterclockwise. Simply because the scripts in the Arabic and Hebrew are from right to left, unlike most of the scripts. Despite the natives lands of those two languages are in the northern hemisphere, the clocks are made to accommodate the opposite direction of written scripts. 

What is your opinion on the topic if this blog? Do you have any strange quirky habits or some activities in the backdrop of your mind too? Comment down below and let me know.

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My First Expedition

I was a little girl in early 1990s, as most of the females are at some point in their life ... I was terrified of the dark. I couldn't walk past the veranda of my grandparent's house without being accompanied by an adult during night time. Clutching the big adult hand with my little hands, sometimes my nails dabbed with nail enamel if I was lucky enough to convince my Mum to let me try it. Darkness was dreadful to me in that era, so were Cats, darkness signified to me that some monster is lurking in it to get me. Well, err my prime concern was not just the villainous monsters but also the great God above.

I remember those religious/ mythological shows on telly that implied that God was watching every action from above the clouds and commenting about stuff to his female companion. They, God and his lady, were mostly teasing each other in their cloud living room with a gaudy furnishing and a serpent couch. On a second thought, I liked the furnishing and the dresses and the tiaras ... I remember not being able to understand the premise of the show or what was going on in the show. All I knew was that at some points God often formed stairs of clouds (well-decorated stairs with carpet!) and walked down the stairs stunned the mortal he was watching over and made him so happy and fortunate. Sometimes the cloud stair was replaced by smoke! And puff! Came the God guy or Goddess lady. Or seldom the lightning in the sky ... and God yelling at the corrupt mortal, from the clouds in a hologram form. So I was convinced that it was the casual way of  God's conversing with us mortals. Being a young mortal myself it terrified me.

I didn't want God to startle me with his ways I was just not ready for that kind of excitement. I often prayed to God "Please don't show up! Please don't show up!" ... I never told the grown-ups about my concern related to God showing up, but I asked them, how will they feel if God came to them. The Grown-ups often seemed indifferent and/or unconcern by the matter. Thus I never showed my weakness by telling them that it was scary to me. I was a big and strong girl! duh!

One person who wanted me to be unafraid of the dark was my Grandpa. Now, as an adult, I like darker and quieter time of the day the most. I often think about the time when he would help me practice facing my fears. On the windy and soothing nights of the 1990s, after we had dinner my grandpa use to take me to the veranda and tell me, patiently, how it was all the same as daytime. He would explain to me, our veranda was still the same the other end led to the little garden with flowers, where I played in evening. I image of that garden is still so fresh in my mind, the beautiful Hibiscus, Rangoon Creeper, Golden trumpet and some occasional roses and tiny white flowers with strong fragrance. There was a black and white Gate next to the garden. I swung on that gate every evening... My Grandpa eventually convinced me of the fact that it was all the same just with no light to help us see. After a few days of this routine of explaining, he asked me do I want to test it? After a little reluctance, I agreed and I was set on the biggest adventure of my life till that day. I was to go and touch the trunk of the Hibiscus tree, all by myself, in the dark of night. I did it and while I was running in the veranda towards the tree and back, all the while my grandpa's voice from the other side of the veranda was comforting me. "I am right here, it is all the same as it is in the evening..." I ran back to him after touching the tree and being assured that it was same in the dark only I couldn't see it. I swear I felt a little bit grown-up that day.

As for the telly shows on mythology were concerned, I was soon barred from watching them as I cried my heart out after watching an episode in witch, a woman drowned her newborn baby in a river. What Evil! I had a little baby sister and babies meant my little sister, whom I loved so much. Yup, I was one of those siblings who love their younger siblings and never feel a hint of jealousy towards the new member. I kid you not that is a rare thing and it is kind of a window to the future relationship of the siblings in question.

I didn't mind being barred from that Sunday Morning Doordarshan's mythological show, that was the best thing that happened to me! I was busy stealing milk powder and Bon-vita from the kitchen while adults were occupied with their "Main samay hun!" telly show!

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Confessions of an INFJ

MBTI  (Myers–Briggs Type Indicator) assessment is a psychometric questionnaire designed to measure psychological preferences in how people perceive the world and make decisions. MBTI assessment was developed from the work of prominent psychiatrist Carl Jung in his book Psychological Types.

So I am an INFJ (Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging). INFJs are Quietly forceful, original, and sensitive. Tend to stick to things until they are done. Extremely intuitive about people, and concerned for their feelings. Well-developed value systems which they strictly adhere to. Well-respected for their perseverance in doing the right thing. Likely to be individualistic, rather than leading or following. That said, I understand that emotions and feelings are complicated. These confessions are my own ideas and thoughts. 

So, here is are some Confession of an INFJ's thoughts that I will not tell you otherwise. 

IF you are a friend, you already know that I am a good listener. As an INFJ, I listen not only to people's words, but also body language, expressions, the tone of voice, specific words they used, etc. It instantly takes me to a level where I can almost listen to what they are not saying. I notice the concealed details in the dialog. Even the one they deliberately conceal and the ones they subconsciously do. The combination of my MBTI allows me to a sneak a peek inside their "soul". I cannot help it but judge, however, I understand their standpoint with empathy and my verdicts are more than often restrained to my own self. Their secrets are safe with me. Perhaps, that is why they come back to me for the comfort of being understood. 

I would like to know how that feels, being understood. I do not have many INFJ friends, just one (INFJs are extremely rare statistically). I feel not many people understand that how intricate human emotions are. Emotions, they can tear one's thinking gears apart, they gravitate from so many dimensions. So often people focus on a single feeling or emotion. It is unfair, you see, to the other emotions. As they work in co-ordination and that is when things get complicated to perceive. For example, One may feel angry, envious and awestruck at the same time. Where anger is a predominately negative emotion that is expressed recklessly it is accompanied with envy which is surprisingly a desire to have something that is not within reach of the person. In this scenario, the person expressing the combination is also awestruck with the person he is angry and envious towards. 

The above brief explanation in my typical verbal form would be translated as "You know, stuff ... about feelings". That would be my explanation to you if we had to talk about it. I suck at verbal explanations because I hate small talks, I am Good with expressing myself in written form. Small talks, figuratively, are exhausting. Sometimes it is literally exhausting too. Perhaps, that is why when I get back to my place after the social gathering I take a long bath (to scrape off all the social dust from my body!) and head right back to my room with a "Do Not Disturb" sticky note on my door.

What do I do inside, My room? I do a lot of things inside I paint, I dance, I lip-sync "I Dreamed a Dream..." ( my all time favourite dramatic lip-sync song ever), I study, I read books, I smell books ... It energises me to be alone. I am a typical Introvert who enjoys walking alone on an isolated beach, collecting the weirdest shaped coral rocks and shells.

I may not enjoy it to an equal degree if people were there. I cannot help but pick the subconscious flashes of their soul and that is just so unnecessary and draining. Unless I like them, and want to comfort them by listening to them and letting them pour out what is bothering them. Letting them feel understood. Ah! I so long to feel understood myself. I only let a few people get inside my circle of friendship. To everyone else I am the girl who is reserved and dis-interested. I indeed am, aggressively disinterested in most of the people.

But if someone has managed to step in my circle of friendship, it was because at first they and I got to spend some one on one time and I liked them enough to feel comfortable talking to them.  And they, in turn, feel I have a keen awareness of their feelings. I am quite patient and protective towards my friends. As an INFJ, I can "read" through people and can take advantage of this ability but I don't though I think I could use it in my favour. But that would be unethical. Ethics, I have a strong set of principles have developed based on my life and experience so far.

I am passionately driven towards perfection , Not that I achieve it. My pursuit of perfection the reason I never feel any of my paintings is finished, in the back of my head, I often find faults and try to fix them. My room has a perfect layout than cannot be disoriented. I crave for perfection in relations and projects too. 

On the other hand, I am aware that perfection is not realistic, there are always going to be flawed and defects in my things and people and my idealistic judging mind will never fail to point it out screaming. Perhaps I will learn to live with it ( ,in a rather unsatisfied fashion I reckon.). Though I will never stop to analyze ideas and brainstorm to reach that perfection. I often find myself pondering on matters of significance to a middle-ground of a settlement of personal and political issues. I enjoy writing Journals I have a collection of them that I will never let anyone read. I like to read to feel in-sync with the emotion of the protagonist. Even the so-called "unlikeable" characters in fiction win my empathy.  

I don't like to share my plans and goals with people except if I include them in my life in an inseparable manner. Some of those presumed inseparable people have failed me, perhaps because I have being biased in understanding their motives. If you someone has been in my circle of "comfortable-with-people" and has been dropped out. It is a classic case of "INFJ Door Slam". It is this part of a relationship with me when they have received the worse thing they, as an ex-friend, can receive. It is "you are dead to me" place where I put the people who have disregarded me in the utterly most unthinkable way. There is no coming back from the INFJ door slam. 

In the defence of the door slam, I have been so fed up with their lies (as I can hear their body screaming lies) that I have given up on any repercussion. I have seen something so repulsive that I cannot restrain but have to make an opinion on. The unconscious and/or conscious disregard they have displayed is not ignore-able anymore. I may think about letting them in but each weighing-in process of re-considering their accused conduct make it firm in my heart that they were guilty and It saddens me. I do not want to be feeding on sadness. So they are stripped of the honor of friendship and have been door-slammed. 

Ugh! Talking about door slamming has taken me off my "Train of Thoughts". I will end my INFJ confessions at this point. Hope you learnt something about your own INFJ Friend and acquaintance via my confessions. Share thought about your MBTI type. 

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To find out your own MBTI type take the quiz here (Unofficial)

PS. As I am writing this post very early in the morning. I am Simultaneously sipping some Turkish coffee and listening to Mozart's Soave Sia ... Yup, I am one of those People.

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