Forgiveness

Have you ever thought about how many things that are considered righteous and pious are contradictory to the principle of evolution? We humans reached the top of all the living beings on Earth by practicing all instinctual things. But as time passed and cultures developed the very core of out flourishing became taboo. Many things that were the heart of the reward mechanism of our brains became associated with divine prohibitions. Nevertheless, it worked out and those prohibitions shaped our society as it is today, but that is the topic for another day.

Forgiving, for instance, is something we learned is nobler. If someone hurts you, be it anyway physical or emotional, the person who forgives is having an upper-hand in the conflict. Forgiveness has the capacity to assuage the mind of the hurt person. It just gives this awesome feeling of closure even in the absence of apologies. I agree with the stance that forgiving can be sometimes good deed. Moreover, It is obviously instinctual that as time passes and anger subsides and we eventually forgive the person who did us wrong.  Nevertheless, it will be quite ludicrous and childish to never -ever forgive. To err is human, to forgive is divine. Yadda yadda yadda ...

That said, I beg to bring in another point of view in the forgiving scenario.  I would say it is not always the best case to forgive. To forgive is often considered to be the most healthy alternative, but it's not! You are permitted to be bitter and you are permitted to be furious at the person who did you wrong. It is NOT healthy to suck your emotions in because it is noble to be forgiving. Placing this more popular belief on forgiveness above your own feelings of resentment is an act of self-harm. You are allowed to feel and register the betrayal for as long as you need to. Being treated badly by someone is a very fair reason to be pissed at them.

More than often we find people saying "I forgive you" to an unapologetic wrongdoer. If that satisfies them, good for them. However to practice altruism at the cost of your own mental wellbeing is not a good idea. Frankly for me even if someone apologizes I am not obliged to forgive them until I feel they are fit for my pardon.

Apologies should not be obscure. Sorry, is just another word if it doesn't manifest the understanding of hurting and makes a promise to not violate the equilibrium of trust again. It lies in the hands of the wrongdoer to demonstrate that they understand what they did was wrong. Moreover, for the wrongdoers, it's never too late to learn the golden rule "Treat others the way you would like to be treated. Act with compassion and empathy."

Be it the forgiveness for a what-so-ever reason, namely for the nobler one or over time by subsidence of anger, It should not by default mean you are to give them the same position as before. One example of such case is a cheating spouse or partner. If someone is cheated on and their partner apologizes and is forgiven ... A let bygones be bygones kind of situation almost every time leads to a series of cheatings. The thing is after every act of cheating the person's sense of guilt is subsided as they face no repercussions for their actions. Here goes the saying, once a cheater always a cheater. The responsibility of making amendments is with the guilty person and not otherwise.

If you forgive and the wrongdoer don't face any consequences of their actions how does this improves the situation? So if one find peace in forgiving one should not act in self-harm by giving the offender same privileges as before. Forgive eventually, but don't place the knife in their hands to stab you again. rather move on. I understand it can be difficult if the offender is someone you love...

With that thought, I would like to get back on evolution side of the issue. Had we forgiven the predators, back in hunters and gatherer era, you would not have been reading this post, nor I would be writing it. Homo sapiens would have been eradicated. If one is wronged, forgiveness and inviting the wrongdoer back is not noble but silly in the evolutionary sense of the way. We learned to protect ourselves from being hurt. We apply what we learn by our instincts for future dealings. If it was natural to accommodate forgiveness as it is taught to be divine, the rattling of a rattlesnake would not have been registered as a warning sign for rest of the animals.

For me personally, as a typical INFJ, my most typical reaction to betrayal and hurt is cutting them off from my life. #FriendshipOver. I don't give much thought to them after that. (but as my physics teacher would say, exceptions are always there. ) The resentment is wholly justified as taking offense in your own mistreatment is an act of self-respect. I have enough self-esteem to understand that being a part of my life is a prerogative, not a default.

Sum and Substance: No one owes a place in someone else's life. They have to earn it and work for it. If someone doesn't work for a place in your life they shouldn't have one.  If they hurt you or mistreat you it is your right to protect yourself even by the means of cutting someone out off your life completely. You are not to be told to forgive someone and feel "divine".

What is your opinion on forgiveness? Do you forgive people who hurt you or hurt someone you love with no exceptions? What popular moral codes do you find to be misaligned with your principles in life? Let me know in the comment section below

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Alexandria: The Muser's Hub

If you ask me where would I like to go if I could time travel I would instantly reply to Roman or Greek Empire in the peak of their glory. However, on a second thought, I may take my words back and say "Meh! I am good here in 2017. It is a pretty good time to be a woman and commoner."

Recently I was reading Oedipus Rex by Sophocles. And reading such fine ancient play always takes me back to the library of Alexandria. The event in the ancient history, that I reckon to be most detrimental for human civilization, was the burning of The library of Alexandria in  48 BC and its further obliteration in 642 AD.

The Royal library of Alexandria was one of the most notable libraries of the ancient times. It was a part of the think tank based in Alexandria called the Museum of Alexandria. The Museum was founded and patronaged by the Ptolemaic dynasty in the 300 BC.  It was dedicated to Alexander the great by his right-hand man Ptolemy. The museum was the forerunner of our present day research institutes. A university where scholars from distant lands went to further their study in all sorts of subjects. Museum- a place to muse where philosophers and thinkers gathered and did the thinking and exchanged the ideas. Unlike what we now know to be a museum, a place to display ancient artifacts. The current usage of the word museum was first spotted on in the 1600s. In ancient times Museum was a thinking place.  The royal Museum was also referred as Temple of muses that included idols of pagan Gods. I stress the word "Gods", the polytheistic, good old fashioned Gods because it is kind of a reflection to why we don't have this library today. #Cringe 

The city of Alexandria was situated on a harbor with the most glorious lighthouse of past one of the seven wonders of its time.The traders sailing through the Mediterranean often stopped at this Port. The marines who came to the port were often searched for drugs, did I say drugs? No! books, they searched the sailors and passer-by for the BOOKS. Such was the passion of the Ptolemaic dynasty towards collecting scripts. When the Books (scrolls) were found, they were confiscated and the person carrying books was compensated for the text. The books were then sent to the collection to the library of Alexandria. Alexandria was the hub for its vast collection of information pretty much like our internet. If there was any written material Alexandria probably had a copy of it.

No one knows what was the extent of the collection in the library, but many people believe that its destruction probably threw humanity a century behind in its course for the pursuit of knowledge. One of the most revolutionary inventions was the invention of the Steam Engine in the late 1700s. It changed the course of the human race, as they knew it at that time. In the museum of Alexandria in ancient Egypt scholars such as  Archimedes, Vitruvius, Heron ho Alexandreus, Hypatia and Ctesibius (and many others) were enrolled. Many of them were working on harnessing the energy from steam and wind. One such example is Aeolipile a precursor of the steam engine by Heron. Arguably, the purpose of getting machine power to eliminate human labor may not be the motivation of the engineers of Alexandria ... after all slaves were there to do that! It may have taken humanity some time to up its game on human rights, but regardless the work was in its nascent stage and would have been eventually put to application had the library of Alexandria not been destroyed.

The destruction of the library is often attributed to multiple instants and is disputed over by historians, but one thing is certain the library was completely eliminated by 642 AD. It is not known which of these events is responsible for destroying the library to what degree. However, majorly four recorded events are held responsible for it altogether.

The first destruction is on the hand's Roman republic during the siege of Alexandria in 48 BC.  Julia Caesar burned his own ships to distract his enemy and the fire started by Caesar's soldiers went astray and burned down a section of the library.  It was still not completely destroyed as Alexandria was still the scholar's hub during the time of Augustus of Roman Empire.

The second destruction was an attack on the Alexandria by the Aurelian in the 270 AD, during the fighting of this era the area where the library was situated was destroyed some of the content of the library may have been destroyed.

The third destruction was the order of the Pope/ Emperor Theodosius in 415 AD, under his reign Paganism was made illegal in Rome. During this time the empire was rioting. Every temple was shut down or destroyed by mobs. It was during one of those days when Hypatia, a female Mathematician of Alexandria, was murdered by the mob. After her death, the museum of Alexandria along with the temple was sacked the library was rampaged in the riots.

Lastly, the destruction or the annihilation of whatever was left of the scrolls and books is attributed to the Islamic caliphate of second Caliph Omar/Umar in 642 AD under the command of Amr ibn Al-As during the Muslim conquest of Egypt the fate of library was put to the hands of Caliph by Amr the commander of Arab army. He wrote to the caliph and received a reply (and I quote). ”If those books are in agreement with the Quran, we have no need of them; and if these are opposed to the Quran, destroy them."

Even if we could not technically advance as a civilization in spite of the great library. As a book nerd, I still would have cherished the ancient plays and literature that is lost in the time. How do you think humanity would have been had we still had the library in its ancient form intact? Comment Down below. Let us muse here in this comment section in memory of The Library of Alexandria.

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PS. I understand that the last destruction by the Caliph is often controversial (Most of them are as I mentioned in the post.) I have provided the link to the sources in that section. The mentioned quote is there on the Wikipedia as well. Moreover, I think I must include this Islamic site that infers more or less the same narration. Please click here to reach the site. This link is already included in the given site so I didn't worry to add while writing but in light of providing the source I must include it as well. 

My First Expedition

I was a little girl in early 1990s, as most of the females are at some point in their life ... I was terrified of the dark. I couldn't walk past the veranda of my grandparent's house without being accompanied by an adult during night time. Clutching the big adult hand with my little hands, sometimes my nails dabbed with nail enamel if I was lucky enough to convince my Mum to let me try it. Darkness was dreadful to me in that era, so were Cats, darkness signified to me that some monster is lurking in it to get me. Well, err my prime concern was not just the villainous monsters but also the great God above.

I remember those religious/ mythological shows on telly that implied that God was watching every action from above the clouds and commenting about stuff to his female companion. They, God and his lady, were mostly teasing each other in their cloud living room with a gaudy furnishing and a serpent couch. On a second thought, I liked the furnishing and the dresses and the tiaras ... I remember not being able to understand the premise of the show or what was going on in the show. All I knew was that at some points God often formed stairs of clouds (well-decorated stairs with carpet!) and walked down the stairs stunned the mortal he was watching over and made him so happy and fortunate. Sometimes the cloud stair was replaced by smoke! And puff! Came the God guy or Goddess lady. Or seldom the lightning in the sky ... and God yelling at the corrupt mortal, from the clouds in a hologram form. So I was convinced that it was the casual way of  God's conversing with us mortals. Being a young mortal myself it terrified me.

I didn't want God to startle me with his ways I was just not ready for that kind of excitement. I often prayed to God "Please don't show up! Please don't show up!" ... I never told the grown-ups about my concern related to God showing up, but I asked them, how will they feel if God came to them. The Grown-ups often seemed indifferent and/or unconcern by the matter. Thus I never showed my weakness by telling them that it was scary to me. I was a big and strong girl! duh!

One person who wanted me to be unafraid of the dark was my Grandpa. Now, as an adult, I like darker and quieter time of the day the most. I often think about the time when he would help me practice facing my fears. On the windy and soothing nights of the 1990s, after we had dinner my grandpa use to take me to the veranda and tell me, patiently, how it was all the same as daytime. He would explain to me, our veranda was still the same the other end led to the little garden with flowers, where I played in evening. I image of that garden is still so fresh in my mind, the beautiful Hibiscus, Rangoon Creeper, Golden trumpet and some occasional roses and tiny white flowers with strong fragrance. There was a black and white Gate next to the garden. I swung on that gate every evening... My Grandpa eventually convinced me of the fact that it was all the same just with no light to help us see. After a few days of this routine of explaining, he asked me do I want to test it? After a little reluctance, I agreed and I was set on the biggest adventure of my life till that day. I was to go and touch the trunk of the Hibiscus tree, all by myself, in the dark of night. I did it and while I was running in the veranda towards the tree and back, all the while my grandpa's voice from the other side of the veranda was comforting me. "I am right here, it is all the same as it is in the evening..." I ran back to him after touching the tree and being assured that it was same in the dark only I couldn't see it. I swear I felt a little bit grown-up that day.

As for the telly shows on mythology were concerned, I was soon barred from watching them as I cried my heart out after watching an episode in witch, a woman drowned her newborn baby in a river. What Evil! I had a little baby sister and babies meant my little sister, whom I loved so much. Yup, I was one of those siblings who love their younger siblings and never feel a hint of jealousy towards the new member. I kid you not that is a rare thing and it is kind of a window to the future relationship of the siblings in question.

I didn't mind being barred from that Sunday Morning Doordarshan's mythological show, that was the best thing that happened to me! I was busy stealing milk powder and Bon-vita from the kitchen while adults were occupied with their "Main samay hun!" telly show!

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Literature

I love to read, it brings me the pleasure and upliftment that I cannot express in words. To articulate it in the terms of literary work I would say:

“My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations.”

~ John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

I like reading for many reasons and one of it is being "teleported" to another world and time. To read the written words of some men and women that I could never possibly have come across due to constraints of unidirectional time. I can never go back in time to have a conversation with Kurt Vonnegut or can I? Well, theoretically I can! But, since time travel is not a thing, yet. The constraint according to the current understanding of physics is,  I can only travel back to the time when the time machine would be invented and not before that... that's another topic for another blog. Also, we haven't yet figured out how tenses would work in the era of time-travel so if we get to travel in time, literature would also need to be upgraded in order to incorporate a more clear understanding of the "directional" time.

The Need of Literature

Writing and Reading are the fundamental labels of civilization. It was a product of the desire to use words to communicate complicated ideas amongst people. Reading is about compassion, it is an act when we imagine; what it would be like to be someone else in a certain situation. It is not easy to express what one is feeling through words. However, reading could give us the tools to express and write what we precisely want to convey. It is a kind of an iteration process, the more we read the more we know about other people's feeling and about our own.

Experience and Empathy

The beauty of literature is that it gives one a way to gain an understanding of complex ideas and emotions. The emotions and feelings that may have taken decays if were left alone to be understood via experience. Reading can take us to infinite kind situations such as famine, war, murder, romance, and breakups. Some situations that we may not experience in life directly. With the access to reading, we can experience. That in turn, helps us gaining a sense of empathy towards friends and family in a similar situation. 

The Consequences of Actions

Literature makes one empathetic by making us see the consequences of actions in the long run, over a shorter time span.  One can read a "coming out of age" novel and understand how certain small things can form a whole identity/personality trait. It shows us the bigger picture of rather smaller actions. It makes one see others as people, who are capable of similar feeling and emotions as ourselves. Thus makes us kinder and sympathetic about what they are going through. 

My Reading Habits

I was hooked on to reading by Nacy Drew and Harry Potter. It has been an amazing experience so far. I had no one to guide me through the books that I should read. So I kind of improvised and today I am at a place where I know what kind of literature I will enjoy reading. However, Picking a favorite book or genre is always perplexing. It is pretty much like picking up your favorite child. I often answer that question with "one of" my favorite books. But, you see it is not that easy.

The Dilemma of Genre 

In the recent past, there has been a heated debate that Young Adult (YA) genre in literature is... umm, How do I put it.. "not good enough". That debate bashes the adults reading YA genre. I think that YA  is intended for teens and has many topics revolving around the life of teens (and people in their early 20s). But, if as an adult one is exclusively reading the contemporary YA it is not such a good option. There is no problem with reading YA but the exclusivity of it is akin to looking at just one side or section of literature. I would suggest mixing it up a little with some classics. 

That said, I often find Young Adult genre engaging and pleasurable. It is often designed to introduce and engage people in literature. There are numbers of contemporary YA fiction that are really good, such as Hunger Games. But some are terrible like that Vampire Stories. However, I find many YA books off-putting for reasons such as:
Romanticization of unhealthy relationships
Dumbing Down assuming the readers to be lowbrowed, thus using easy vocab.
Not being intellectually stimulating
Slut shaming 
The portray of the same personalities of the protagonist 
Unrealistic representation of Teenagers ...

This month I have been a little picky to read as I couldn't find any book stimulating or engaging enough. However, I think it is a matter of time. I will find a good book or may regain interest in the pile of half-read abandoned books. Let me know what you like reading and what is your take on literature. 

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Confessions of an INFJ

MBTI  (Myers–Briggs Type Indicator) assessment is a psychometric questionnaire designed to measure psychological preferences in how people perceive the world and make decisions. MBTI assessment was developed from the work of prominent psychiatrist Carl Jung in his book Psychological Types.

So I am an INFJ (Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging). INFJs are Quietly forceful, original, and sensitive. Tend to stick to things until they are done. Extremely intuitive about people, and concerned for their feelings. Well-developed value systems which they strictly adhere to. Well-respected for their perseverance in doing the right thing. Likely to be individualistic, rather than leading or following. That said, I understand that emotions and feelings are complicated. These confessions are my own ideas and thoughts. 

So, here is are some Confession of an INFJ's thoughts that I will not tell you otherwise. 

IF you are a friend, you already know that I am a good listener. As an INFJ, I listen not only to people's words, but also body language, expressions, the tone of voice, specific words they used, etc. It instantly takes me to a level where I can almost listen to what they are not saying. I notice the concealed details in the dialog. Even the one they deliberately conceal and the ones they subconsciously do. The combination of my MBTI allows me to a sneak a peek inside their "soul". I cannot help it but judge, however, I understand their standpoint with empathy and my verdicts are more than often restrained to my own self. Their secrets are safe with me. Perhaps, that is why they come back to me for the comfort of being understood. 

I would like to know how that feels, being understood. I do not have many INFJ friends, just one (INFJs are extremely rare statistically). I feel not many people understand that how intricate human emotions are. Emotions, they can tear one's thinking gears apart, they gravitate from so many dimensions. So often people focus on a single feeling or emotion. It is unfair, you see, to the other emotions. As they work in co-ordination and that is when things get complicated to perceive. For example, One may feel angry, envious and awestruck at the same time. Where anger is a predominately negative emotion that is expressed recklessly it is accompanied with envy which is surprisingly a desire to have something that is not within reach of the person. In this scenario, the person expressing the combination is also awestruck with the person he is angry and envious towards. 

The above brief explanation in my typical verbal form would be translated as "You know, stuff ... about feelings". That would be my explanation to you if we had to talk about it. I suck at verbal explanations because I hate small talks, I am Good with expressing myself in written form. Small talks, figuratively, are exhausting. Sometimes it is literally exhausting too. Perhaps, that is why when I get back to my place after the social gathering I take a long bath (to scrape off all the social dust from my body!) and head right back to my room with a "Do Not Disturb" sticky note on my door.

What do I do inside, My room? I do a lot of things inside I paint, I dance, I lip-sync "I Dreamed a Dream..." ( my all time favourite dramatic lip-sync song ever), I study, I read books, I smell books ... It energises me to be alone. I am a typical Introvert who enjoys walking alone on an isolated beach, collecting the weirdest shaped coral rocks and shells.

I may not enjoy it to an equal degree if people were there. I cannot help but pick the subconscious flashes of their soul and that is just so unnecessary and draining. Unless I like them, and want to comfort them by listening to them and letting them pour out what is bothering them. Letting them feel understood. Ah! I so long to feel understood myself. I only let a few people get inside my circle of friendship. To everyone else I am the girl who is reserved and dis-interested. I indeed am, aggressively disinterested in most of the people.

But if someone has managed to step in my circle of friendship, it was because at first they and I got to spend some one on one time and I liked them enough to feel comfortable talking to them.  And they, in turn, feel I have a keen awareness of their feelings. I am quite patient and protective towards my friends. As an INFJ, I can "read" through people and can take advantage of this ability but I don't though I think I could use it in my favour. But that would be unethical. Ethics, I have a strong set of principles have developed based on my life and experience so far.

I am passionately driven towards perfection , Not that I achieve it. My pursuit of perfection the reason I never feel any of my paintings is finished, in the back of my head, I often find faults and try to fix them. My room has a perfect layout than cannot be disoriented. I crave for perfection in relations and projects too. 

On the other hand, I am aware that perfection is not realistic, there are always going to be flawed and defects in my things and people and my idealistic judging mind will never fail to point it out screaming. Perhaps I will learn to live with it ( ,in a rather unsatisfied fashion I reckon.). Though I will never stop to analyze ideas and brainstorm to reach that perfection. I often find myself pondering on matters of significance to a middle-ground of a settlement of personal and political issues. I enjoy writing Journals I have a collection of them that I will never let anyone read. I like to read to feel in-sync with the emotion of the protagonist. Even the so-called "unlikeable" characters in fiction win my empathy.  

I don't like to share my plans and goals with people except if I include them in my life in an inseparable manner. Some of those presumed inseparable people have failed me, perhaps because I have being biased in understanding their motives. If you someone has been in my circle of "comfortable-with-people" and has been dropped out. It is a classic case of "INFJ Door Slam". It is this part of a relationship with me when they have received the worse thing they, as an ex-friend, can receive. It is "you are dead to me" place where I put the people who have disregarded me in the utterly most unthinkable way. There is no coming back from the INFJ door slam. 

In the defence of the door slam, I have been so fed up with their lies (as I can hear their body screaming lies) that I have given up on any repercussion. I have seen something so repulsive that I cannot restrain but have to make an opinion on. The unconscious and/or conscious disregard they have displayed is not ignore-able anymore. I may think about letting them in but each weighing-in process of re-considering their accused conduct make it firm in my heart that they were guilty and It saddens me. I do not want to be feeding on sadness. So they are stripped of the honor of friendship and have been door-slammed. 

Ugh! Talking about door slamming has taken me off my "Train of Thoughts". I will end my INFJ confessions at this point. Hope you learnt something about your own INFJ Friend and acquaintance via my confessions. Share thought about your MBTI type. 

Find more information about it visit here. 
To find out your own MBTI type take the quiz here (Unofficial)

PS. As I am writing this post very early in the morning. I am Simultaneously sipping some Turkish coffee and listening to Mozart's Soave Sia ... Yup, I am one of those People.

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