Forgiveness

Have you ever thought about how many things that are considered righteous and pious are contradictory to the principle of evolution? We humans reached the top of all the living beings on Earth by practicing all instinctual things. But as time passed and cultures developed the very core of out flourishing became taboo. Many things that were the heart of the reward mechanism of our brains became associated with divine prohibitions. Nevertheless, it worked out and those prohibitions shaped our society as it is today, but that is the topic for another day.

Forgiving, for instance, is something we learned is nobler. If someone hurts you, be it anyway physical or emotional, the person who forgives is having an upper-hand in the conflict. Forgiveness has the capacity to assuage the mind of the hurt person. It just gives this awesome feeling of closure even in the absence of apologies. I agree with the stance that forgiving can be sometimes good deed. Moreover, It is obviously instinctual that as time passes and anger subsides and we eventually forgive the person who did us wrong.  Nevertheless, it will be quite ludicrous and childish to never -ever forgive. To err is human, to forgive is divine. Yadda yadda yadda ...

That said, I beg to bring in another point of view in the forgiving scenario.  I would say it is not always the best case to forgive. To forgive is often considered to be the most healthy alternative, but it's not! You are permitted to be bitter and you are permitted to be furious at the person who did you wrong. It is NOT healthy to suck your emotions in because it is noble to be forgiving. Placing this more popular belief on forgiveness above your own feelings of resentment is an act of self-harm. You are allowed to feel and register the betrayal for as long as you need to. Being treated badly by someone is a very fair reason to be pissed at them.

More than often we find people saying "I forgive you" to an unapologetic wrongdoer. If that satisfies them, good for them. However to practice altruism at the cost of your own mental wellbeing is not a good idea. Frankly for me even if someone apologizes I am not obliged to forgive them until I feel they are fit for my pardon.

Apologies should not be obscure. Sorry, is just another word if it doesn't manifest the understanding of hurting and makes a promise to not violate the equilibrium of trust again. It lies in the hands of the wrongdoer to demonstrate that they understand what they did was wrong. Moreover, for the wrongdoers, it's never too late to learn the golden rule "Treat others the way you would like to be treated. Act with compassion and empathy."

Be it the forgiveness for a what-so-ever reason, namely for the nobler one or over time by subsidence of anger, It should not by default mean you are to give them the same position as before. One example of such case is a cheating spouse or partner. If someone is cheated on and their partner apologizes and is forgiven ... A let bygones be bygones kind of situation almost every time leads to a series of cheatings. The thing is after every act of cheating the person's sense of guilt is subsided as they face no repercussions for their actions. Here goes the saying, once a cheater always a cheater. The responsibility of making amendments is with the guilty person and not otherwise.

If you forgive and the wrongdoer don't face any consequences of their actions how does this improves the situation? So if one find peace in forgiving one should not act in self-harm by giving the offender same privileges as before. Forgive eventually, but don't place the knife in their hands to stab you again. rather move on. I understand it can be difficult if the offender is someone you love...

With that thought, I would like to get back on evolution side of the issue. Had we forgiven the predators, back in hunters and gatherer era, you would not have been reading this post, nor I would be writing it. Homo sapiens would have been eradicated. If one is wronged, forgiveness and inviting the wrongdoer back is not noble but silly in the evolutionary sense of the way. We learned to protect ourselves from being hurt. We apply what we learn by our instincts for future dealings. If it was natural to accommodate forgiveness as it is taught to be divine, the rattling of a rattlesnake would not have been registered as a warning sign for rest of the animals.

For me personally, as a typical INFJ, my most typical reaction to betrayal and hurt is cutting them off from my life. #FriendshipOver. I don't give much thought to them after that. (but as my physics teacher would say, exceptions are always there. ) The resentment is wholly justified as taking offense in your own mistreatment is an act of self-respect. I have enough self-esteem to understand that being a part of my life is a prerogative, not a default.

Sum and Substance: No one owes a place in someone else's life. They have to earn it and work for it. If someone doesn't work for a place in your life they shouldn't have one.  If they hurt you or mistreat you it is your right to protect yourself even by the means of cutting someone out off your life completely. You are not to be told to forgive someone and feel "divine".

What is your opinion on forgiveness? Do you forgive people who hurt you or hurt someone you love with no exceptions? What popular moral codes do you find to be misaligned with your principles in life? Let me know in the comment section below

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My First Expedition

I was a little girl in early 1990s, as most of the females are at some point in their life ... I was terrified of the dark. I couldn't walk past the veranda of my grandparent's house without being accompanied by an adult during night time. Clutching the big adult hand with my little hands, sometimes my nails dabbed with nail enamel if I was lucky enough to convince my Mum to let me try it. Darkness was dreadful to me in that era, so were Cats, darkness signified to me that some monster is lurking in it to get me. Well, err my prime concern was not just the villainous monsters but also the great God above.

I remember those religious/ mythological shows on telly that implied that God was watching every action from above the clouds and commenting about stuff to his female companion. They, God and his lady, were mostly teasing each other in their cloud living room with a gaudy furnishing and a serpent couch. On a second thought, I liked the furnishing and the dresses and the tiaras ... I remember not being able to understand the premise of the show or what was going on in the show. All I knew was that at some points God often formed stairs of clouds (well-decorated stairs with carpet!) and walked down the stairs stunned the mortal he was watching over and made him so happy and fortunate. Sometimes the cloud stair was replaced by smoke! And puff! Came the God guy or Goddess lady. Or seldom the lightning in the sky ... and God yelling at the corrupt mortal, from the clouds in a hologram form. So I was convinced that it was the casual way of  God's conversing with us mortals. Being a young mortal myself it terrified me.

I didn't want God to startle me with his ways I was just not ready for that kind of excitement. I often prayed to God "Please don't show up! Please don't show up!" ... I never told the grown-ups about my concern related to God showing up, but I asked them, how will they feel if God came to them. The Grown-ups often seemed indifferent and/or unconcern by the matter. Thus I never showed my weakness by telling them that it was scary to me. I was a big and strong girl! duh!

One person who wanted me to be unafraid of the dark was my Grandpa. Now, as an adult, I like darker and quieter time of the day the most. I often think about the time when he would help me practice facing my fears. On the windy and soothing nights of the 1990s, after we had dinner my grandpa use to take me to the veranda and tell me, patiently, how it was all the same as daytime. He would explain to me, our veranda was still the same the other end led to the little garden with flowers, where I played in evening. I image of that garden is still so fresh in my mind, the beautiful Hibiscus, Rangoon Creeper, Golden trumpet and some occasional roses and tiny white flowers with strong fragrance. There was a black and white Gate next to the garden. I swung on that gate every evening... My Grandpa eventually convinced me of the fact that it was all the same just with no light to help us see. After a few days of this routine of explaining, he asked me do I want to test it? After a little reluctance, I agreed and I was set on the biggest adventure of my life till that day. I was to go and touch the trunk of the Hibiscus tree, all by myself, in the dark of night. I did it and while I was running in the veranda towards the tree and back, all the while my grandpa's voice from the other side of the veranda was comforting me. "I am right here, it is all the same as it is in the evening..." I ran back to him after touching the tree and being assured that it was same in the dark only I couldn't see it. I swear I felt a little bit grown-up that day.

As for the telly shows on mythology were concerned, I was soon barred from watching them as I cried my heart out after watching an episode in witch, a woman drowned her newborn baby in a river. What Evil! I had a little baby sister and babies meant my little sister, whom I loved so much. Yup, I was one of those siblings who love their younger siblings and never feel a hint of jealousy towards the new member. I kid you not that is a rare thing and it is kind of a window to the future relationship of the siblings in question.

I didn't mind being barred from that Sunday Morning Doordarshan's mythological show, that was the best thing that happened to me! I was busy stealing milk powder and Bon-vita from the kitchen while adults were occupied with their "Main samay hun!" telly show!

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Train Of Thoughts

Welcome on Board! 

Hello, This post is brought to you by my own brain, where I have been trapped all my life. Is there no way out of the mind? as Sylvia would say. I guess if Sylvia was from the contemporary days I would have stalked her on all her social media handles and sent her friends requests like a million time. I pretty sure she would have pity followed me back, (I would have been hopelessly persistent on fangirling her!) and then I would have referred her as my "close" friend. 

Ooh, I just had a notification! My iPad just went bing! The sound of my iPad's blink sounds like there is a tiny metallic balloon just exploded with a single sinusoidal jingle. I bet everyone else with the same notification sound can relate. Anybody? Alright, it's just me then. I wonder what the notification is about, though! it totally distracted me and frankly I don't care but I guess my mind is conditioned to be excited about the sound of that blinky jingle. Much like Pavlov's dog! Did I just compare myself to Pavlov's dog! wow, self-depreciation at it's best. I am just kidding I can come up with even better ways to self-depreciate. I just know I am creative and not because I ever do that every Thursday night.

Wonder if other awesome people ever self-depreciate? I bet, J-Law does! So that is settled. It is a good thing, keeps one's ego in check. How about the bad people? Hitler, did he ever self-deprecate? Nope, I don't think so with his year-round-Movember Stache and crazy hand gestures, he seemed he was pretty self-assured. Besides he had a boosting squad "hailing" him. Would I have hailed him, If I was in nazi Germany? Like, I would have had a choice! It would have been quite Anti-National of me. Duh! Though Now in the safe cradle of future and a distant land I can proudly say I never hailed Hitler. However, that don't matter now does it?

That reminds me of the time when I was asked: "If you could go back in time would you go back to kill baby Hitler?". That freaks me out every-fucking-time. I mean Why would anyone kill baby Hitler for the things that he (the child Hitler) hasn't done but the grown up Hitler did. That is just boiling it down to a level where someone being the "Bad-Guy" is their objective truth, that is so not right. But then to contrast it with the nature of "reality" isn't Bread Loaf Theory indicating past present and future is absolute? The Ideal scenario would be sprinkling it with the parallel Universe Theory. So, in that case, Hitler won't be the bad guy in all the parallel worlds. 

Moreover, if we could time travel, bear with me here this is really cool, wouldn't the options to go back and changing the history lead to the origin of more intertwined parallel universes? Because theoretically facing a choice gives rise to the parallel universe. At this point, I must remind myself that this write-up of the stream of thoughts is for the blog and my brilliant ideas about the nature of universe should be recorded in some other place. To those of you, still reading it anyway, you are officially a cool person and I hereby announce you the President of one of the whole parallel Universe, not just that, the parallel Universe you reign over will be named after you. Claim your honour by commenting 'Pineapple' in the comment section below. 

Pine green is one of the colors that I want my hair to be. basically, I think I should try out all the opal hair colors because I can not make up  my mind to pick one. So, I am like HA! fuck it, I will do them all. The joke's on you "God-Of-Choice" I defy your command and do everything. Now that is mutiny, take that rebels!

Anyways, I am so hungry that I could eat a whole T-Rex, unfortunately, I think I have dislocated my jaw also T-Rex are extinct. I am waiting for my jaw to get worse before visiting a doctor because I don't know how to put it nicely ... but I irrationally and aggressively hate Doctors. Because, I am to convince myself that I am capable of irrational hate, no just kidding, I hate them because they are awful and hospitals smell like babies. I don't have anything against babies it is just that I like them on Instagram only and as props on holiday destinations. There they are awfully cute and smell like love. 

Don't holidays just feel like love? The only difference is one can buy holliday package with money but money can not buy love. However, it can buy you a fucking yacht! So sure I will settle for material possession and assuage my need for love via stimulating it with coffee or weed IDK! Maybe a sandwich with lots and lots of cheese or pizza will do for the compensation. I should get myself a sandwich, though. Should wreak my dislocated Jaw to be sure. Besides I deserve some dopamine for typing last few paragraphs! 

Deboarding, The Train of Thoughts, 

Thanks for traveling with us.

Well then. Cheerio Chaps!

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We The Millennials

I am a Millennial, and I wear it as a Badge. Being able to be proud on one's Millennial status quo is rather difficult. While media is bombarding us with claims of being the "Me-Me-Me-Generation". We are also named as the "Generation Y", the "Echo Boom" and of course the "Millennials".

Generations 101

Baby Boomers: people born between 1946 and 1961

GenerationX: People born between 1962 and 1981

Millennials: People born between the 1980 and early 2000s.

For more information on the generations click here 

The story of Millennials

I was born in the late 80s. The technology was budding not quite abundant in my part of the world. I had playmates during my early childhood. We played outside in evenings, we rode bicycles and climbed trees. We played indoors with "cool" stuff like Nintendo game boy and Super Mario on our (for now it is lousy, but we thought they were awesome) video game players. During the late 90s, we had desktop computers and our friends were all on the "yahoo instant messenger". You see it was promising we saw technology flourishing, changing to better and better.

  

We were told that the future is ours. We were supposed to be the golden generation of technology and power. Space age, Jetpacks, hoverboards ( A real one, that "hovers" not a wheeled one!) we were promised that it is going to be a bright future. All we have to do is study and be focused. We can be anything if we work hard. And we did! 

And then 9/11 happened ... wars, wars, wars. It is not that there were no wars before that. But 9/11 shaped the decay we become "adults". The phase that we waited for all our childhood and adolesce was affected by the Recession. The sluggish economy, unemployment, student loans and global warming that is our heritage. It is not what we were promised, It is about time we are disillusioned of the promised Golden Era.

Now when they (Gen X and Baby Bloomers) look at us they see the Entitled, Lazy, Ungrateful, Self-Obsessed, Drunk on Technology, Adult-Child ... Snapchatting each other while taking a dump. They compare us with themselves, patting their backs on their own success, as they entered the workforce with flourishing economy and booming technology. That allowed them to climb the ladders of sucess over time. Or perhaps they are envious of us for we are vigorously using the technology they developed, we can access shit-load of information with a pat on our phone screens.

We Millennials have  a bad reputation! let us break down the stereotypes 

We are Narcissistic

We are quite notorious for being "Narcissistic" and the  self-involved generation. So what is wrong in being involved in oneself? I don't find it should be intimidating to the world overall. Yes, we Snapchat every damn thing to out BFFs. Yes, we upload selfies with our lunch on Instagram. Does that make us suffering from narcissistic disorder( a medical condition)? That's a rather silly claim don't you think! We have access to social media we want to know what our friends are up to, we want to be connected. 

We are Lazy and Entitled

We were brainwashed to believe, we deserve and will get the best of the world if we work hard and dedicated towards goals, just like the preceding generations. Our "cheerleading parents" boosted our morals assuming the political and economic conditions will be same for us as it was for them. The irony is, that the capitalist greed made education a business and we burdened with the aspirations of education or debts of students loans. Competition is tight as the population of millennials is high. See we are not lazy we are under debt. we are not entitled, our college degrees were not as economical to earn as it was for previous generations. We worked our way through it and we are still pushing the boundaries. 

We are Not Family Oriented 

Yes, our relationships are often shaky. We are not ready to get married or "settle down" majorly because we do not have the "finances" to settle down unless we get married and move in with our parents. We cannot afford a housing that the previous generation could. We want to have a family but we are not equipped to have a house of our own and raise a child, yet. We don't want to be struggling with our uncertain jobs and a child to feed and educate. So we prefer to push the timeline and be mentally and financially ready before we get married and/or have a child. Unless we expect our parents to pay the bills, and be called "entitled".

The list of how we are the worst of humankind goes on and on but what the critics (who are majorly GenX and Baby Bloomers) need to consider is:

Cut us a slack, we are living through the sluggish economy and distorting global climate. None of those are the product of our conducts, Still we are facing problems. Criticizing us and blaming us is not a solution. 

Appreciate the Millennial Traits

We are Inclusive we believe in equal rights for all. We support LGBTQ+. We are compassionate and understanding. We are Liberals and Socialist (Feel The Bern). We are hopeful and working towards alternate energy forms to fix the climate. We do not segregate based on gender, sexual orientation, colour or cast. We push the boundaries and most importantly we want a sustainable development. We do not disregard the future generation in the wake of corporate greed and power.  

PS Millennials face a higher depression rate than previous generations. According to recent studies, 44 percent young adults experienced symptoms of depression, and suicide is one of the leading causes of death among youngsters. 

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Confessions of an INFJ

MBTI  (Myers–Briggs Type Indicator) assessment is a psychometric questionnaire designed to measure psychological preferences in how people perceive the world and make decisions. MBTI assessment was developed from the work of prominent psychiatrist Carl Jung in his book Psychological Types.

So I am an INFJ (Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging). INFJs are Quietly forceful, original, and sensitive. Tend to stick to things until they are done. Extremely intuitive about people, and concerned for their feelings. Well-developed value systems which they strictly adhere to. Well-respected for their perseverance in doing the right thing. Likely to be individualistic, rather than leading or following. That said, I understand that emotions and feelings are complicated. These confessions are my own ideas and thoughts. 

So, here is are some Confession of an INFJ's thoughts that I will not tell you otherwise. 

IF you are a friend, you already know that I am a good listener. As an INFJ, I listen not only to people's words, but also body language, expressions, the tone of voice, specific words they used, etc. It instantly takes me to a level where I can almost listen to what they are not saying. I notice the concealed details in the dialog. Even the one they deliberately conceal and the ones they subconsciously do. The combination of my MBTI allows me to a sneak a peek inside their "soul". I cannot help it but judge, however, I understand their standpoint with empathy and my verdicts are more than often restrained to my own self. Their secrets are safe with me. Perhaps, that is why they come back to me for the comfort of being understood. 

I would like to know how that feels, being understood. I do not have many INFJ friends, just one (INFJs are extremely rare statistically). I feel not many people understand that how intricate human emotions are. Emotions, they can tear one's thinking gears apart, they gravitate from so many dimensions. So often people focus on a single feeling or emotion. It is unfair, you see, to the other emotions. As they work in co-ordination and that is when things get complicated to perceive. For example, One may feel angry, envious and awestruck at the same time. Where anger is a predominately negative emotion that is expressed recklessly it is accompanied with envy which is surprisingly a desire to have something that is not within reach of the person. In this scenario, the person expressing the combination is also awestruck with the person he is angry and envious towards. 

The above brief explanation in my typical verbal form would be translated as "You know, stuff ... about feelings". That would be my explanation to you if we had to talk about it. I suck at verbal explanations because I hate small talks, I am Good with expressing myself in written form. Small talks, figuratively, are exhausting. Sometimes it is literally exhausting too. Perhaps, that is why when I get back to my place after the social gathering I take a long bath (to scrape off all the social dust from my body!) and head right back to my room with a "Do Not Disturb" sticky note on my door.

What do I do inside, My room? I do a lot of things inside I paint, I dance, I lip-sync "I Dreamed a Dream..." ( my all time favourite dramatic lip-sync song ever), I study, I read books, I smell books ... It energises me to be alone. I am a typical Introvert who enjoys walking alone on an isolated beach, collecting the weirdest shaped coral rocks and shells.

I may not enjoy it to an equal degree if people were there. I cannot help but pick the subconscious flashes of their soul and that is just so unnecessary and draining. Unless I like them, and want to comfort them by listening to them and letting them pour out what is bothering them. Letting them feel understood. Ah! I so long to feel understood myself. I only let a few people get inside my circle of friendship. To everyone else I am the girl who is reserved and dis-interested. I indeed am, aggressively disinterested in most of the people.

But if someone has managed to step in my circle of friendship, it was because at first they and I got to spend some one on one time and I liked them enough to feel comfortable talking to them.  And they, in turn, feel I have a keen awareness of their feelings. I am quite patient and protective towards my friends. As an INFJ, I can "read" through people and can take advantage of this ability but I don't though I think I could use it in my favour. But that would be unethical. Ethics, I have a strong set of principles have developed based on my life and experience so far.

I am passionately driven towards perfection , Not that I achieve it. My pursuit of perfection the reason I never feel any of my paintings is finished, in the back of my head, I often find faults and try to fix them. My room has a perfect layout than cannot be disoriented. I crave for perfection in relations and projects too. 

On the other hand, I am aware that perfection is not realistic, there are always going to be flawed and defects in my things and people and my idealistic judging mind will never fail to point it out screaming. Perhaps I will learn to live with it ( ,in a rather unsatisfied fashion I reckon.). Though I will never stop to analyze ideas and brainstorm to reach that perfection. I often find myself pondering on matters of significance to a middle-ground of a settlement of personal and political issues. I enjoy writing Journals I have a collection of them that I will never let anyone read. I like to read to feel in-sync with the emotion of the protagonist. Even the so-called "unlikeable" characters in fiction win my empathy.  

I don't like to share my plans and goals with people except if I include them in my life in an inseparable manner. Some of those presumed inseparable people have failed me, perhaps because I have being biased in understanding their motives. If you someone has been in my circle of "comfortable-with-people" and has been dropped out. It is a classic case of "INFJ Door Slam". It is this part of a relationship with me when they have received the worse thing they, as an ex-friend, can receive. It is "you are dead to me" place where I put the people who have disregarded me in the utterly most unthinkable way. There is no coming back from the INFJ door slam. 

In the defence of the door slam, I have been so fed up with their lies (as I can hear their body screaming lies) that I have given up on any repercussion. I have seen something so repulsive that I cannot restrain but have to make an opinion on. The unconscious and/or conscious disregard they have displayed is not ignore-able anymore. I may think about letting them in but each weighing-in process of re-considering their accused conduct make it firm in my heart that they were guilty and It saddens me. I do not want to be feeding on sadness. So they are stripped of the honor of friendship and have been door-slammed. 

Ugh! Talking about door slamming has taken me off my "Train of Thoughts". I will end my INFJ confessions at this point. Hope you learnt something about your own INFJ Friend and acquaintance via my confessions. Share thought about your MBTI type. 

Find more information about it visit here. 
To find out your own MBTI type take the quiz here (Unofficial)

PS. As I am writing this post very early in the morning. I am Simultaneously sipping some Turkish coffee and listening to Mozart's Soave Sia ... Yup, I am one of those People.

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